Someone's Mission Is Being Accomplished Award: Halliburton has been charging $45 to deliver a six-pack of soda to our soldiers in Iraq.
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News Story of the Year (tie):
• • A man bit a dog in Blenheim, Ontario.
• • A man bit a dog in Victoria, British Columbia. (Don't mess with those Canadians)
• • A man bit a panda in Beijing.
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Trickle-On Economics Award (tie):
• • The CEO of IBM, which cut pension benefits for its workers this year, will receive a pension of $11,000 a day.
• • Northwest Airlines offered advice to workers facing layoffs including, "Don't be shy about pulling something you like out of a trash can."
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Miracle of the Ages of the Year (tie):
• • Miraculous water bubbling from a tree in San Antonio, Texas, was found not to have been a miracle from Jesus but a case of the tree's roots having tapped into a city water line.• • Miraculous sweet seawater at a beach near Mumbai, India, was found not to have been a miracle from Allah but a case of inflows of fresh water from heavy rainfalls and toxic pollutants.
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Warning Label of the Year: On a folding canvas deck chair: "Do not attempt to lift the front end of the chair while sitting down on it."
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All You Need Is Love (and an Attorney on Retainer) Award:
• • The Sexual Misconduct Policy at Gettysburg College requires that any student wishing to hug another student must first ask permission and then continue to ask permission while the hug continues.
• • The Sexual Harassment Policy at Davidson College in North Carolina prohibits "inquiries about dating."
