Recovered from Geocities

Welcome to

US Robotics used to give free pages when you bought a modem from them, then they ended the program and all of my pages were lost. I started using Geocities in the late 1990s, but they are closing that program, so I have rescued my pages to lopatka.net. This page goes up to March 1999. Geocities2 goes to August 1999 and Geocities 3 goes to January 2000. Geocities4 has the recovered the early 2000 pages.

Picture day, 1998

Other Rebuilt Geocities Pages

Newsletter #99 First Duffer Newsletter in Cyber Space 1997

Newsletter #100

June 20, 1998

San Jose 1998

San Jose 2001

Cammi Granato and her proud coach

Wheezer at The Hockey Hall of Fame

6/20/98

	"The Game Details" The game got off to a shaky start when Koss overslept the 9:30 PM start. and then was locked out of the Rink, The King and his court had trouble setting up the score board. It was a site! The King was doing what no man ever wants to do, He was reading the scoreboard Owner's Manuel. Stump had to come to the rescue as he squeezed into the Scorers box in full goalie garb and put some time on the clock. The Blues roster had Harvey, Thor Miller, Miller Ultra Lite, The Z boys, Larry Hansen, Son of Frank and Drano in the nets. The Home team had Stump guarding the pipes with Papa, Beak, Dill Deau, Koss, Paul, Joe JR Miller Lite and The King. The game started out to be a Miller display of force. Thor scored two meaningful goals for the Blues while Miller Lite scored for the home team. 12 year old Miller Ultra-Lite scored his first goal to add to the Blues lead. Drano was spectacular in the nets and looked unbeatable until Papa scored a goal to cut the meaningful lead in half. Just when it looked like Drano had the win in the bag, Beak converted a pass from Paul to tie the game in the closing minutes.


	On the next shift, Paul cut toward the net and was pulled down, as he slid toward the net with the puck in tow, Beak poked it past Staats for the winner. Who is that Referee? Her name is Agatha Morey. She was a St. Rita hockey fan in the late 80s when she was a student at Maria High School. She always wanted to play hockey and was inspired by the Cammi Day parade last month. Dill Deau talked her into becoming a Duffer Referee. Agatha refereed several games in April and May with a helper. She was on her own last week as she took charge and called a great game. Her only mistake came in the game when she whistled Papa Joe down for violating the 3 line rule. It was Beak's fault as he was cheering his team mate on with the call: "1 Line.....2 lines 3 lines"


	First Contest of the Duffer Summer


	The first summer game, actually it was the last game of Spring, (Summer doesn't officially start until the sun reaches the Tropic of Cancer on June 21st at 9:03 AM.) was marred by a poor turn out. Last June, the King threatened to levy a Bulls Tax on all of the missing Duffers that stayed home to watch a Bulls play-off game. The Bulls game cost the Duffers over $150. Last year, Bill Giffune was nice enough to pick up the loss for us. This year Bill was missing too, so the Loyal Duffers that showed up, paid a $10.00 Bulls Tax, to cover for all of the no shows. The next game is on July 3rd and the King is considering canceling the Ice to avoid another loss. A decision will be made at the Picnic.


	View of the new Route 66 Drag strip from the Jernberg Skybox. Several Duffers were seen in the crowd last week. Photo by Duffer Photographer,

Page 2


	Duffer Call


	Continued from Page 1.

A Duffer call chain was established. A few responsible Duffers were selected to help spread the Duffer Gospel according to the King.
The Electronic Duffers did their job. Beer Nuts called John and Tom Z, Dock called Staats, Papa Joe didn't see his E-Mail, but he and his sons got the word some how.
Jerry O called Paul and Son of Frank called Stump & Koss. He even wasted a call on Fred for his Dad who was out of the country. Mike! What were you thinking? You know that Fred doesn't have Duffer Summer Hockey in his Budget.
The Fax Duffer chain had a weak link. Harvey called Gilbert, Tweedy notified The Anvil and King called Mike DeVivo.
. I assume that the Prince called his Brother, although I can't be sure because neither one showed up.
Wheezer and Hit man never got a call from the Morgans. The only Duffer that showed up at 8:00 PM was Thor Miller he forgot to read his E-mail!
Please remember your calling assignment, because we will use it in the future.

Where's Wheezer

Are you good at Where's Waldo? Go to the picture on page 1 and try to find Wheezer in the picture. If you find him, try to find SOD Ken Lopatka, his GODs Mike and Jeff, Bill Giffune and Captain Hook, Mike Spillman.

When Agatha heard that, she stopped play.
The 3 line rule was invented by the King to prevent any young speedsters from making end to end rushes, Meaningful Duffers are of course exempt from the rule and 68 year old Papa certainly qualifies as a meaningful Duffer.
So Aggy found out that Duffer rules are much more complicated than the NHL rules. Hang in there, we appreciate your effort.

Duffer Cyber Fans

On May 26, I got the following E-Mail message:
Hello sir,
I am a huge hockey fan. I love everything to do with the game and it's players from the NHL elite right down to the ...well, duffers. I enjoy reading your Duffer news, and I saw mention of a CD time capsule at the end of one of your pages. Could you please tell me if there is any way that I could purchase a copy of it. Any help you could give would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for you time.

Ann
HBSRSW@AOL.com
I mailed Duffer CD 1.0 to Dallas NC and she sent me a check for $20.00 I thanked her for being our first Cyber Fan and she corrected me and said that she wasn't the first. She heard about us from her friends in Oklahoma and Texas.


	On June 6th, 1998, Chris Mazurk took Amy Sixel to be his lawfully wedded wife. Although no Duffer witnessed the event, Beevis, Beak, Stump and Wheezer were present at the reception in Madison Wisconsin on June 7th. The quote of the night came from Wheezer when he was changing into a suit in his SUV. Wheezer quipped, "This is like a Whale dressing in a shoe box."


	Don't forget the Duffer picnic on Saturday at Argonne Woods. Picnic Tax is a flat $15.00 Several years ago, we had a $10.00 fee with a $5.00 fun tax. That worked pretty well, most Duffers had fun and kicked in the fin with no complaints. Tom Morgan had so much fun, he donated a saw buck. Bobka refused to smile all day, so he wouldn't have to pay the Fun Tax. If you missed the June Duffer Game because you were watching the Bulls, be prepared to pay your $5.00 Bulls tax.

Cammi Granato takes a break from an autograph session, to pose for a picture with her Old Coach, Greg Lopatka.

Duffer GOD, (Grandson Of a Duffer) Jeff 'I can Take the Pain' Lopatka Scored a hat trick to win his play off game 5-3. Team mate Becky gives that winning Smile.

Head coach of the Columbus Chill, Don Granato shares his line up with his brother Rob. Wheezer looks over their shoulders.

Cammi Granato and Olympic team mate Sarah Tueting sign autographs at the Darien Sportplex. The Illinois natives were honored Tuesday 12/23 as they prepare for the 1998 Winter Olympics in Nagano Japan.

Duffer GOD, Jeff Lopatka, squares off with his new team mate, Duffer SOD, Ryan Dzingel.

Columbus Trip 1/22/99

Welcome to


	Road Trip


	The Columbus trip is Here! Report to Midway Airport, at 10:00a.m. on January 22, 1999. Don will meet us at the Columbus Airport at 2:00 (EST) and take us to the Rink for our 3:30 p.m. ice time. Give the King $200 now! Room mate assignments were set up using San Jose as a model. Trades are permitted pending the King's approval. We now have 8 rooms at the Holiday Inn OSU 328 West Lane Avenue Across from The Ohio State University 614-294-4848 The Chill van will be available for our use. He has reserved tickets for Friday's 7:30 game against the Johnstown Chiefs (11-14-4) and Saturday's game against the Huntington Blizzard. (15-14-3). Don will skate with us after the

Page 2

much time in the minors. Oh, by the way, the player is Toronto Maple Leafs goaltender Curtis Joseph, or "Cujo," as you may know him.
While the traditional system is still in place, the ECHL has done a lot to challenge its setup.
Over the eleven years the league has been in existence, it has sent morethan 100 players to the NHL. Keep in mind that these are players that may not have had a place to play at the age of 20-22. Every year, more AHL and IHL general managers make time in their busy schedules to scout ECHL games, and in Biloxi, Mississippi it was interesting to see the number of them excited about the all-star event.
Congratulations to the ECHL and to all the players involved. You did a great job and you truly are making an impact on the game of hockey!


	The on-ice product was outstanding as well, and players such as Jaroslav Obsut of Augusta and Jason Elders of Mobile made sure of this. In Tuesday's skills competition, Obsut won the hardest shot competition, registering a 99.3 mph slap shot that could have won at the NHL level. And in Wednesday's game, Elders' two goals and two assists were good enough for MVP honors. Unlike the NHL, a new car was not presented to Elders for his accomplishment, but he may have received something even more valuable - exposure to higher-level teams in the AHL, IHL and NHL. The ECHL has done wonders by providing minor league players with this added exposure. You see, while most ECHL players desire to climb the professional hockey ladder, their aspirations can be crippled under the traditional system of professional scouting. In the traditional setup, only NHL teams have an in-house scouting staff and a bulk of their attention is focused on 17- and 18-year-old prospects in preparation for the league's annual draft. It has also been tradition for AHL and IHL teams to affiliate with NHL teams and rely on them for players and the scouting of players. As a result, there has not been a significant need for AHL and IHL teams to carry a scouting staff of their own. With a system like this in place, late bloomers (players that develop after their draft age of 18) can very easily be overlooked. I had the fortune of playing with one such player, who at the age of 22 had not been drafted, but had obviously developed substantially since his draft year. Fortunately, this player continued to play on teams with 18-year-old (draft eligible) players and NHL scouts had no option but to recognize his development. The player eventually signed as a free agent and, deservedly, never had to spend

ECHL All-Star Game all about exposure 1/15/99

Don Granato 's column You can e-mail Don at
thechill@qn.net
It's showcase month for professional hockey as the NHL, AHL, IHL and the ECHL all host their annual all star games in January. While the NHL's "North America vs. The World" event is not until the 24th of the month, the ECHL got things going on a more modest level this week by hosting its game Wednesday evening, Jan. 13, in Biloxi, Miss.
The two day affair - which included a skills competition, board of governors meetings and the game itself - was well organized and very representative of the ECHL product. I was fortunate to attend all the events and left Biloxi excited to have been a part of the happenings.
You see, the ECHL is not just a minor hockey league; it is a minor professional sports league sensation. As a league, the ECHL is successfully introducing (and expanding on) the product of hockey to millions of fans that reside in non-traditional hockey markets. It is amazing to witness the growth and development of the league, and you can really see and feel it at events such as this.
Yes, I am a coach and general manager within the league, but I left Mississippi feeling much more like a fan than anything else. The host team, the Mississippi Sea Wolves, deserve a lot of credit for this. The Sea Wolves franchise had no problem creating an all-star atmosphere. Packing more than 7,500 fans into the Gulf Coast Coliseum, the event was worthy of its nationally-televised broadcast aired on ESPN2.
Overall, it was nice to see the genuine enthusiasm the people of the South have acquired for the game of hockey.


	Frankie Morey and Duffer GOD, Michelle Spillman finished their hockey lesson with a smile!

Duffer News

January 29,1999

(Left to Right) Three significant goal scorers.

"Gilbert" (Head cut off) scored his first road goal,

The King scored his first goal of the season and

the "Nailer" scored his first Duffer Goal.

Next Road Trip... Peoria!

Good news for all of you guys that missed the Columbus road trip. You have 9 weeks to think of a reason to miss the trip to Peoria on April 2, 1999. Here are some common excuses that won’t work.

Have to work? No good, April 2nd is good Friday. Only retired people will have a hard time getting the day off.

Mike "The Nailer" DeVivo hammered

in his first Duffer goal in the

2nd period of Saturday’s game.

No money? with 20 or more guys, this trip will be cheaper than the Columbus trip.
Days are too short? The Sun enters the northern hemisphere on March 21st, so the days will be longer than the nights.
Don’t like long bus rides? Peoria is only a few Strohs away.
You don’t want to room with Muzzy? Larry wants to room with Muzzy from now on!

Here is the deal. The Chill will arrive in Peoria on Friday, 4/2/99, for their game on Saturday night. Donny said he can get some ice from the coach of the Peoria Rivermen. We will probably play on Friday and Saturday. We will go to the Chill-Rivermen game on Saturday night at 7:30 p.m. We will depart for home after the team mass on Easter Sunday.

$50.00 will reserve you a spot on the bus. We need at least 20 people to make a coach affordable.

Our guest goalie, Carrie,

gets a police escort

to her locker room.

The Columbus Trip!

The Columbus trip got in off to a slow start because of all of the fog that surrounded Midway Airport. We were forced to sit around and drink Bloody Marys while Mazurk and Klinger served us hot dogs and pizza. (Thanks Guys) We found out that road trips don't really have to go anywhere. We had more fun at Midway airport as Larry spilled his Bloody Mary and Bill dropped pizza. Muzzy and Larry used a broom and mop to cleanup. We laughed so hard the bartender cut us off. We asked to see the manager, and she said the bartender was jealous because we were having way too much fun.

We moved onto our loading area only to find that the airplane we were waiting for was delayed and couldn't land because of fog, so our afternoon ice time was canceled. Now we were just hoping to

make the Chill game at 7:30 Eastern time.

We finally boarded the plane and as we started to backup, all of the Duffers started saying to beep, beep, beep, beep. Everybody laughed and we were off to Columbus. Drinks were free because of the delay. Klinger had a pocket full of free drink tickets that we had to use on the way home.

We arrived in Columbus at 7 o'clock, and the Chill Van was waiting for us with a chauffeur named Philip Morris. I don’t have to tell you what happened next, but I will. "Call For Philip Morris" We headed for the rink and arrived just a few minutes into the game. We were impressed at how the ECHL had cleaned up it’s play since the SLAP SHOT days. Players took hard checks and skated away without any retaliatory action. We found out later that we missed a brawl with the Chiefs in the first shift.

After the game, we went to check into our motel where we paired up smokers and nonsmokers, snorers and non-snorers, whiners and non-whiners. Wheezer requested a whiner since he is used to rooming with Koss. Beer Nuts volunteered to whine and smoke so he was paired with

Wheezer. We went out to eat after 11:00 and we found that almost everything was closed.

We finally found a place that had appetizers and drinks so we stayed there. Larry spilled a beer and Shattered an ash tray. We went to sleep with sides hurting from laughter.

We were worried about not having a goalie, so we found a guy in the stands who was willing to play and then Donny found us a girlfriend of one of his players who was willing to play. We ended up with three goalies. It worked out well, as one goalie showed up 15 minutes after we starter playing.

The White team had Carrie in the nets and Blues had Rick "Gilbert" Felman’s nephew Phil LaPoint. We played four on four for an hour and a half until our legs were rubbery. Then Donny and a couple of his players joined us. They seemed faster than us, probably because they weren't as tired as we were. Klinger scored 3 goals against Carrie and 1 more on the replacement goalie.

Beak broke out of his slump with four goals after Donny set him up for an easy tap in. Wheezer could have had a few goals but he preferred to hit Carrie with the puck and then, with mock concern, he offered to rub the place that hurt. Hacksaw had of bunch of assists, as did Beer nuts.

Cougenhaur and Mazurk had several meaningless goals. Harvey scored several times, but his best move was missing the bus. We were all

Beak and Muzzy share some

Duffer stories in front of the

TV camera.

showered and on the bus. As we pulled out we took our usual late headcount and found that Harvey was missing.

We backed up beep beep beep beep, only to find Harvey all alone drying his hair with his 220 amp hair dryer that was causing the lights to dim. Harvey’s quote of the trip was, "I didn’t see anybody rushing around, so I took my time."

The Chill won all 3 games last weekend, so Donny wants to see the Duffers where ever they play.

The radio broadcaster was reading the Duffer News during the broadcast of the games. Beak was invited to join the broadcast in Peoria.

We found a great place to eat on Saturday night. Wheezer was too tired to eat, so he stayed in the room and watched Cammi score a goal in the Legends game, while we had a feast at the Engine House #5 in Germantown, Ohio.

You may remember the quote of the Green Bay trip, when Wheezer said, "I don’t get full, I just get tired of eating."

We really missed our young skaters in Columbus. That was evident by the average age of the trip participants which was 51.8 years.

The King suggested that Beak should have some in-service training for the younger Duffers who are having problems getting away. Maybe Beak's wife could help some of the younger wives and girlfriends.

Mrs. Beaks and her bowling partners go on more trips than the Duffers. That's why Beak has never missed a trip since Bird Island. That is the key to getting free. When your wife has just been

on a trip, is easy to tell her that you are going to leave town.

This Germantown restaurant

was built in 1892 It survived

a Duffer good time. The food was great! (left to Right)

The "Nailer, Beer-nuts, Berserk,

Muzzy and Harvey.

Duffer News
February 5, 1999

We would like at least 20 skaters and 2 goalies to go to Peoria on Good Friday, April 2. We can get by with fewer skaters, but when you skate 4 on 4 with 2 extras, like we did in Columbus, Players are too tired to eat. We can go to Hayward with 16 or 17 because the Mayor of the town supplies us with a team and a goalie. The draw back there is cost.

The trip to Peoria has been met with a lukewarm reception, I can understand that a mass with Muzzy on Easter Sunday does not fall into lifelong traditions. So we might be better off going to Hayward the week before. We need a count so that we can start planning. Please check your schedule and make a choice below:

A. I can go to Peoria on Good Friday

B. I can go to Hayward Wisconsin during the last week of March

C. I will go either week

D. I can't go on any more trips this millennium. (It’s that Y2k thing)

Muzzy and Coughenhaur take over the TV camera in Columbus Ohio.

The game

Friday's game was a goalie's delight. Goals were few and far between, as Stump and Eddie were in rare form! Beak had the only meaningful goal. He was set up by Papa Joe and Tom Morgan in the second period of the contest. Beak managed to pick a corner on Eddie the Anvil. The game ended 1-0 Meaningful and 2-2 Meaningless. I Can’t remember who scored the 3 meaningless goals. Probably Johnny and Tommy.

I went on a road trip with my grandson Mike’s Bantam team. They had a thrilling Tournament win in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin. I was writing a newsletter for his team earlier this week. I almost forgot that we played on Friday. You can read all about it on the Web.

Link to Last Week's Duffer News

Link to Duffer Picture Day

Wheezer, Muzzy, Beer Nuts and Larry share some road trip tales over breakfast.

DUFFER NEWS

Visit the Duffer Web Page at: http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Gym/2175/dufferhome.html

February12, 1999 Reporters ***Cammi Granato *** Rich Storm Volume V Issue 7

New Web Site

Make a note of the new Duffer Web site. The address is listed at the top of this Newsletter. If you go there, you’ll find links to many new and old Duffer Web sites. Beak was able to rescue most of the US. Robotics’ sites before they pulled them last Sunday.

The old Beak Web site just went over 1900 hits

Http://homepage.usr.com/b/beak/

The link to the new Duffer Web page will be located at:

http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Gym/2175/Dufferhome.html

Links to the last 4 news letters can be found there

Stump is The Man!

Stump had a fantastic night in the nets as the Blue team had the best of the mediocre players. Mr.. Magoo had a goal disallowed by Aggie. She said that she didn’t see it go in. There are some that think she has an attorney bias, caused by her profession. Wait till she gets pulled over for a Traffic violation, there may be a reversal on that call. The Blues had meaningful goals by Hit Man and Beernuts, for a 2-1 Meaningful win. Papa Joe (Happy Birthday! Joe just turned 69 last Monday) was frustrated in the second period when he had Stump down and out and he couldn't get it up. He got plenty of kidding about his Viagra shot, He fired the puck into Stumps stacked pads.

Peoria & Hayward?

Write these dates on your calendar:
March 12 Hayward Wisconsin
April 2 Peoria
We need a goalie! Don't miss another trip! Use those creative excuses on your lady. Look at the King and Harvey having fun at Midway Airport.

DUFFER NEWS

Visit the Duffer Web Page at: http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Gym/2175/dufferhome.html

February 19, 1999 ***Reporters Cammi Granato *** Rich Storm Volume V Issue 8

Nailer and The King Hammer the Whites!

The Stump had another fantastic night in the nets as the Blues jumped all over him in the first period. They managed to poke a couple of 5th rebounds into the net for a 3-0 Blues lead. Tweedy, the Blues goalie, had a hard time staying awake at the other end of the ice. He didn't face a shot until Rick Dzingle broke away and scored to cut into the lead. Only seconds later, Rick poked in his own rebound to make the score 3-2. Paul knotted the score with a break away goal late in the first period. Mazurk ended the period with a goal that was set up by Drano "The Plumber". The score was Blues 4, Whites 3.

Early in the second, the King rushed the net like Bobby Orr to give the Blues a 1-0 meaningful lead. Mike DeVivo made it 2-0 with his first Duffer Friday goal. (He scored his first ever Duffer goal in Columbus on Saturday 1/23/99) Beak and the King presented "The Nailer" with an engraved trophy-puck holder. Mike had a few friends from work at the surprise presentation. He just kept repeating, "I told you what a great bunch of guys these Duffers are." You may recall that the King scored his first goal of the season in Columbus. (see The 1/29/99 issue of the Duffer News) http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Gym/2175/1-29-99.html

Mr. Magoo, who had a goal disallowed last week, (see The 1/29/99 issue of the Duffer News http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Gym/2175/2-5-99.html ) scored again this week to cut the meaningful lead in half. I can see why Magoo had his goal disallowed. He has to learn how to celebrate. He should watch videos of "Nephew of Uncle Bob". He knows all of the Play Station Goal celebrations. When Magoo scores, he looks guilty and ashamed. Let it out John!

The meaningless game ended with Johnny Z scoring for the Blues just before the final Buzzer. Stump had the puck covered and Aggie would have blown it dead, but she had a birthday party that she couldn't get out of, so the goal counted for an 8-7 Blues win.

Biorhythms

When strange things happen, I like to check the Biorhythms of the players that displayed the unusual behavior. The King and the Nailer went scoreless all season long until they went to Columbus. They both ended their season long drought with beautiful goals against rookie goalies. One was a male and one was a female. Now, only 3 weeks later, they each scored a goal on Stump, a certified Duffer goalie. That sent me to the computer to run their biorhythms. On January 23,1999, The King's Physical cycle was on the rise and only 2 days away from a peak. His emotional and intellectual cycles were bottoming out. (This is a time when a person is very vulnerable to offers from the opposite sex) It is a good thing he was on a Duffer road trip, because he had plenty of buffoonery around him to ward off offers from the opposite sex. He would have been suicidal if he was at work. Mike DeVivo's Physical cycle was on the decline after peaking earlier in the week. His emotional and intellectual cycles were on the climb with a peak only 5 days away.

Which one of these guys is headed toward an emotional and intelectual high on his biorhythm cycle?

On February 12,1999 The King's Physical cycle passed from the negative into the positive areas, while the Nailer's physical had just peaked on Wednesday. What can we conclude from all of this information? Nothing much, except maybe we should go on road trips more often!

Peoria April 2

The King has started collecting money for the trip to Peoria. The Chill plays the Peoria Rivermen on Saturday night, we hope to play Good Friday or Holy Saturday. The Hayward trip is March 12. That will give you 2 weeks to recover and get ready for Peoria. The Mayor of Hayward, Wisconsin has offered to provide us with free Ice on Friday, 3/12 and Saturday 3/13. He even moved the tournament up a week so that we could have recovery time for Hayward. Tweedy's Minitonka team will play 2 games on Saturday and 1 game on Sunday.

Hawk Game Outing March 31st
See Thor Miller for tickets. They are a fund raiser for youth hockey. Tickets are only $15.

This picture from Columbus just surfaced. (Left to Right) Hacksaw, looking depressed, as he knows we will be back home tomorrow, Klinger celebrating his four goals that offset Beaks production, Rookie goalie Phil LaPoint, his uncle Rick Felman(Gilbert), Mike "The Nailer" Thanking the Lord for his first Duffer goal, Harvey's hair, Berzurk, just happy and Gay and Beernuts' bellie.

Go to the Duffer Home Page

Cammi's Hockey Clinic for Girls

Comming Attractions!!! The King and Dave in the February 26th Duffer News. That's the day Beak turns 59.

Photo By Duffer Reporter, Rich Storm

DUFFER NEWS

Visit the Duffer Web Page at: http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Gym/2175/dufferhome.html

February 26, 1999 Reporters ***Cammi Granato *** Rich Storm Volume V Issue 9

The King and Dave

The King made a surprise appearance on the Late Night Show last week. The Duffer reporter Rich Storm captured this image off of the video out takes. Jim took the time to explain a little hockey to Dave. Dave didn’t understand why he and "the Nailer" made national news when they scored in Columbus on January 23, and then again at home 2 weeks later. Jim told him about reckless defensemen like Harvey and Fruitcake. Dave seemed to get a charge when the King patted him on the bottom as he demonstrated how real men congratulate their friends during sports contest. Unfortunately the CBS censors cut that part out. The King did take time to give thanks to Mike Presecky for setting up the historic goal. The interview may run again on Talk Soup.

The King And Dave on the Late Night Show last week. Dave promised to do a Top Ten on Duffer Road trip excuses.

The Game

Friday 2/19/99

The Blues assembled the best of the mediocre Duffers and Stump looked like the clip art above, as he was pummeled by the Duffer Diaper line of Berserk, Miller Lite and Lil’ Presecky. Stump's only relief came when he had the King and Larry on defense. The Diaper line had a lot of fun scoring shamelessly when Harvey and Gilbert were playing back. Scratch that, Harvey was never back. Mike had several goals, while Berserk went crazy. (I know that is redundant)

Hitman had the only meaningful goal of the game, but he paid for it later when Beak caught him coming across the neutral zone with his head down. Beak laid him out! (Then he got up and helped Beak get up.) Only in Duffers Hockey will you see something like that! The Anvil caught a Brinks shot inside of the net, that would have tied the game, but Aggie refused to call upstairs for help from the video crew.

Duffer Dates

March 9, Chill at Peoria
March 12 Hayward Road Trip
March 23 Chill at Peoria

March 31 Hawk Game, see Thor for $15.00 tickets

April 2 Peoria Road Trip

Granato’s Hockey Clinic

Sign your daughter up for Cammi’s hockey clinic at Seven Bridges Ice rink on June 21-25.

http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Gym/2175/cammiclinic.html

Go to Duffer Home Page

Go to Duffers in San Jose

Don't miss the March 5th Duffer News. Beak visits Leno. Go To the March 5, 1999 Duffer News

Bashful Beak tells Jay about the GLM (Good Looking Mom) factor.

Duffer News

www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Gym/2175/dufferhome.html

March 5, 1999

The Competition among the Late Night talk shows heated up earlier this

week as Jay Leno managed to land the Duffers "Beak" Lopatka. Beak came on the show to talk about scoring a goal on his 59th birthday.

Jay opened up the discussion by asking "How you doing?'" and "Tell me about

the goal." 6-1/2 minutes later, Jay had to break for a commercial. As Kevin Ewbanks and his band began playing to commercial, Beak was still telling stories. Although he was only on for twelve minutes, Beak was able to talk to Jay about his life playing hockey, coaching, and teaching. When Jay asked Beak about his success as a hockey coach, Beak said "When I was coaching hockey, I gave the same motivational speeches over and over. It worked best when my players were better than the other coach's players."

When the conversation turned to Beak's career, Jay asked him how things have changed since he started teaching. "The biggest difference is that kids today think the Trojan War was fought over contraceptives."

Duffer Dates

March 9 Chill in Peoria
March 12 Hayward Road Trip
March 23 Chill in Peoria

March 31 Hawk Game, (see Thor) April 2 Peoria Road Trip

Granato’s Hockey Clinic

-Rich Storm

http://www.geocities.com/ Colosseum/Gym/2175/cammiclinic.html

Sign your daughter up for Cammi’s hockey clinic at Seven Bridges Ice rink on June 21-25.

3 Chances to Go to Peoria

The Chill will be in Peoria on Tuesday March 9 (my grandson has a play off game that night) and Tuesday March 23. We will have a carload or 2 leaving about 3:30 or 4, with a dinner at the River Micro-brewery. We will return home the same night around midnight.

The numbers are not there for a game on April 2nd or 3rd, we may just go there to watch on the 2nd. The King is looking into renting a camper for the trip. Stay tuned!!!

Stump is going to Hayward, so we have one line and a goalie. I talked to the Mayor of Hayward last Sunday and he was sure he could find us a team with a goalie to play on Friday and/or Saturday.

You may remember the first time that we went to Hayward, we left the Delphian House after playing on Friday night. I wouldn’t mind doing that again if we could pick up a few more players. Tweedy and the Bombers play 2 games on Saturday and 1 on Sunday.

The Game on 2/26/99

Beak came out wearing the familiar Duffer blue sweater on Friday and his son Tweedy, who was in white said, "I wore white so I could set you up for your birthday". Beak said, "Did you tell your mom? You are the only one that could talk her into going shopping for 4 hours so that we could get a stripper to come to our house for a bachelor party." Tweedy answered, "No. I meant I was going to set you up to score a goal!"

Tweedy was true to his word as Beak had 3 shots on his first shift and Beak was able to poke one past the Anvil.

Fridays With Friends! That's what Duffers Hockey is all about. It doesn't get any better than this, unless you go on a Duffer Road Trip!

The meaningless game was tight when Marsha took a spill and Larry thought he was dead or at best, in critical condition. Larry was helping him up when Paul got a pass at center ice and took off with after burner speed and scored on Stump to give them the meaningless lead.

The Anvil had really shut the Whites down until the 3rd period when Magoo raced across the blue line. Wheezer called him off side from the bench, but Aggie ruled against him. Thor went into the corner and the Anvil tried to beat him to the puck. He didn’t and John scored into an empty net to tie the game. That shook up Eddie as Thor and Hitman scored with in the next 3 minutes to finish the game off. The Whites walked off with a 4-0 meaningful win.

There was some crying at the bar about Landry’s goal when Beak pointed out that even the IRS gives you a break if you are blind or over 65, Magoo qualifies as legally blind. Ever wonder how many blind people take advantage of their IRS deduction since they can’t read.. Notice the IRS doesn’t give deaf people a deduction because they can read the 1040 form. Ever wonder why banks put Braille buttons on drive up windows? Should they be driving?

Larry and Beer Nuts enjoy the refreshments.

Go to Last Week's Duffer News

March 12,1999 Read about the snow storm that kept some guys home. Beernuts (Below was spotted at Cheers)

DUFFER NEWS

Visit the Duffer Web Page at: http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Gym/2175/dufferhome.html

March 12, 1999 Reporters Cammi Granato *** Rich Storm Volume V Issue 11

Snow Storm Stimulates Scoring!

The snow storm scared away a lot of Duffers last Friday. I was looking out the window, and a tree was bent over so far that I couldn't get to the garage. I was considering following the suggestion of the TV newscasters to stay home. My son Tweedy said, "Dad you have to go, there will be plenty of ice time!" That shows the difference in generations. The Duffers in my age group are hoping that there will be 3 full lines. I now had another reason to stay home. This was a tough decision. The conditions were bad enough to cancel a visit to the in-laws or a trip to church, but were they bad enough to miss a Hockey Day of Obligation? 15 Duffers and 1 guest said, "Miss Hockey? Hell No!"

The Russian Olive tree above was touching the driveway and preventing me from going to hockey. I named it after that guy that signed up for Hawk tickets, You can still get tickets because Thor ordered 2 for Ben Dover. (See Tommy Z and Tweedy for more details.) I took my hockey stick and slashed it a few times and it rose up high enough for me to keep my hockey obligation.

Koss would have been in heaven. We skated 4 on 4 and you had all of the ice time that you could want. The Goalies, Stump and Cushing had all of the action that they could stand. The forwards and defensemen had plenty of scoring opportunities. Beak scored in the first minute on a set up by his son, Ken. Son of Frank scored twice on set ups from Fred. Giffune scored a beauty, when he fired a smart puck off of Stump's Blocker that went straight up and landed on the goal line and wobbled across the line. Bill was later traded to the Blues when the King and the Nailer expired. Now we only had 6 skaters on each team. (Koss! Where were you)Bill was trying to set a Duffer record by scoring a goal for each team. He was foiled in that attempt, but he may have equaled Coughenour's record of losing 2 games in the same night. It is not confirmed because the scoring was hard to keep up with. I think that Stump and the Blues were leading when they acquired Klinger and the Whites scored a lot of goals after they disposed of their veteran defenseman. Doc scored twice, one after 3 rebounds. Last week he was flattened by Coughenour when he tried that but this week he was on the same team and Fred didn't seem to mind that Doc was having his way with Stump.

Beernuts was missing, but Duffer Photographer-Reporter, Rich Storm, spotted him at "Cheers" Mrs. Nuts was on vacation. You youngsters that can't get away for a road trip (Like Papa Joe) take note. Beer Nuts has no problem getting free for a Duffer trip. Buy him a beer and ask him how he does it, if you can't figure it out.

The 16 hardy Duffers that plowed through the snow were The 3 Lopatkas, 2 Preseckys, The King, Nailer, Beavis, Drano, Doc, Magoo, Klinger, Fruit Cake, Tommy Z, Stump and Cushing.

Back to The Game

Klinger tied the Meaningful game at 1-1 with his Smart Puck goal. Magoo gave the home team Whites the lead when he beat Stump. Beak salvaged a tie for the Blues when he flipped a back hander past Cushing.

The Meaningless score will never be determined. I know that Stump stopped Tweedy with 5 or 6 spectacular saves. Tweedy did manage to get a couple past Stump. The most memorable was set up by Son of Doc, Mark, who refereed the first 2 periods, then picked up his stick to give the Whites a 5 on 4 boypower advantage. Son of Beak had several goals for the Blues, as did Tommy Z. Beavis Cougenhour scored at least 1 for the Whites, Drano may have had one too, so your guess is as good as mine, as to what the final score was. All I knows is I'm glad I got my stick out and slashed that Russian Olive. Slashing that Russian-Commy tree made me feel like I was in the 80 olympics.

Old Man?

What makes a man old? Klinger gave me a copy of a Tribune article from 3/5/99 in which Dr. Roizen listed some things that added years to your life. I really became interested in this after a guy in his 40s with a Harley jacket, called me an "Old Man" to try to get under my skin. I set him off while I was watching My Grandson's team play hockey. One of their players was stick handling out of their zone, when our defensemen laid him out with a clean body check. In my many years of coaching, I have seen hundreds of attention seeking kids of all ages, lay on the ice so they could get the fans to cheer for them. Their fans were yelling at the referee for a penalty. I told them that if you like to carry the puck, you are going to get checked. I went on to say, "If you don't want to get hit, pass the puck." This guy came back with, "Why don't you try to play Old man?"

My wife quickly answered, "He does play every week. He played last night and scored 2 goals." The guy's jaw dropped, then it slowly closed for good. I was so glad that my son got me to get off of the couch and slash that Russian Olive. The previous verbal exchange would have not worked as well if she would have said, "He would have played last night if it didn't snow." I'm sure that the old Harley jacket man would have had a comeback to that one.

Back to the Tribune article:
Dr. Roizen claims in his article that if you floss daily, that you can add 3 years to your life. 300 orgasms per year could also add years to your life. Having fewer than 5 big Os would take 4 years off. This means that a woman could collect her husband life insurance almost 10 years early by limiting him to the 3 pack. (Birthday, Christmas and 1 floater) Could it be true, that what the Nuns told you about going blind and hairy palms was not true? Aren't you glad that some forward thinking rebel friends convinced you to do it till you need glasses?

This started me wondering. If your wife cut you off, could you sue her for attempted murder? Let's run that by the Duffer Team lawyer, Magoo. I'll bet that there is a male judge out there that might give another good old boy, a favorable ruling, now that there is research that supports a premature death can be caused by lack of orgasms.

Duffer Summer Outing
Jimmy Buffett Concert

You want to write the following dates down:
Thursday July 22,1999 and Saturday July 24
You will have the time of your life, with 16,000 Duffer like personalities at a concert with no rules.

Don't Forget!!!
March 31 Hawk Game (See Thor)
April 2 Peoria road trip
June 21 Granato Hockey Clinic for Girls

Cammi is in Finland leading the US women to another championship. They beat the Rusians 10-2 and the Sweeds 11-0. They play China on 3/11/99, Semifinals will be on Saturday and they will probably play Canada on Sunday for the Championship. you can check the results by going to the World Women's Championship Site. Cammi has 3 goals and 2 assists!

Last week's news is at:
http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Gym/2175/3-5-99.html

DUFFER NEWS

Visit the Duffer Web Page at: http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Gym/2175/dufferhome.html

March 19, 1999 Reporters Cammi Granato *** Rich Storm Volume V Issue 12

Hayward Highlights!

Wheezer, Tweedy and Beak just returned from another fun filled weekend in Hayward Wisconsin. This is 7 straight years for Beak and Wheezer and 9 for Tweedy. Something strange happens when you cross the 45th parallel and head north. You enter a very different world. The plants and animals are very different, the night skies are brighter, even the people are different. When you hear someone talking about Jesse, they are talking about Ventura, not Jackson. That is refreshing.

The third term Mayor of Hayward drives the Zamboni and plays goalie for the home town Muskies and he sponsors the Hayward Beer drinking contest. Wheezer, Tweedy and Beak put 15 beers on the score board Friday night, and the rest of the Bombers and their wives added a few hundred more for a grand total of 398 beers. The home town Muskies finished with 410. That is the second year that we were edged out by a few beers. One more Duffer would have given us another Beer Trophy and restored our honor.

The Hockey was the greatest! I would rather watch those guys fly up and down the ice than the Black Hawks. The Bombers won the first game easily, then they played a great team from the Twin Cities area. Tweedy set up the first goal, then scored 2 of his own. His team fell behind by two with only 3 minutes to play. Tweedy scored his hat trick in the final minute to send it into overtime. The first overtime was scoreless, so they went into a shoot out where they lost, 8-7. The Sunday game for third place was an amazing display of offensive power by a group of players that had 8 hours of sleep collectively. The Bombers had a slight advantage going into the game when Beak and Wheezer came in with a Hockey bag and sticks. The opponents figured that they had an easy game, so they went up for a couple beers. When they came out for the game Beak and Wheezer were in the stands with the wives and the Bombers won 12-10. Tweedy introduced Duffer's Hockey to the North woods. He was laughing all through the game. His laugher could be heard on the bench, in the locker room and on the ice. Several of his team mates want to join the Duffers.

Tweedy never stopped laughing.

The Indian Casino was not kind to the Duffers. Beak went through a roll of quarters in ten minutes, so he sat down and watched for an hour. At the going rate, he figured he made $60 per hour. Wheezer's brother, Keith, lost at a slower rate and Wheezer did the best, it took him over an hour to lose $40.

Wheezer's brother, Keith, reads the Duffer News while the mayor resurfaces the ice. Wheezer checks out the crowd.

Look West, Young Man!

Friday March 19,1999 Venus will have an apparent close call with Saturn. They appear to be close together, actually they are over 88,000,000 miles apart. To make this event even better, a 2 day old crescent moon will enter the scenario and give us a look at it's dark side. The bright crescent is lit up by sun shine and the faint gray oval will be lit up by earth shine. That young moon will wax into the second blue moon in three months. January had 2 full moons and February had none, so March will have it's second full moon on the 31st. The crescent moon will pass 5 degrees south of Venus at 7 P.M. and it will pass 3 degrees south of Saturn at 9 P.M. in the west on Friday, so look up when you enter the rink on Friday. The Sun is entering a very active stage of it's 11 year cycle. Watch the northern sky all year for the Northern Lights.

His Honor the Mayor brought in 25 pizzas on Saturday night, so we didn't have to go to the Hut, Hut, Hut or the Super America Gas station for a meal. Wheezer and Keith went to a bar and watched Holyfield get beat to a pulp. There never was enough beer on the floor to get a good beer slide going. These players have learned to hold their liquor as they mature.

Blues Bomb One Legged Goalie

Klinger Extends Scoring Streak to 2 Games!

DP (Duffer Press) Bridgeview, IL
Duffer Reporter Rich Storm
Dave Cushing strained his left knee during warm-ups Friday night, hindering him from moving effectively to his left. The Blues took advantage of the one-legged goal-tender early. Bezerk started the scoring by slipping one past the left side as he was sliding head first. Mazurk assisted on the next score by feeding the Son of Frank up the middle for a early 2-0 lead. The Blues also jumped ahead in the meaningful game when Harvey flipped a back-hander into the net at point blank range. This goal too, was scored on the left side. The Flower also scored later on to give the Blues a 2-0 meaningful lead and 6-0 total after the second period. Feeling frustrated after allowing 2 goals by "The Flower", the White team of T. Morgan, Beavis, Johnny Z, and Klinger, would not stand down for a stump shut-out. Realizing the talent and force they had at their disposal, they turned to their veteran defenseman/forward (when Frank is out of town), Bill Giffune, to break the drought. Early in the third, Klinger slipped one past Stump on a break-away to bring his scoring streak to two games and cut the meaningful lead in half. The second White goal came as Morgan scored on a wrap-around. However, it was a case of too little, too late. Hit-man solidified the meaningful game with another goal to Cushing's left side. It was an uplifting goal for the Hit-man as he struggled just before just to get over the boards for his shift. The Son of Frank finished the scoring with his third goal of the game (left of Cushing.) and an 8-2 Blue victory. 3-1 Meaningful.
- Rich Storm

Land Sharks!
Jimmy Buffett tickets will go on sale Saturday for the July concerts. See Son of Frank or Father of Mike to make your plans. Thursday, July 22 and Saturday, the 24th are your choices. Go to Margaritaville

Go to last week's Duffer News

Next Week, Homer visits the Duffer Bar.

DUFFER NEWS

Visit the Duffer Web Page at: http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Gym/2175/dufferhome.html

March 26, 1999 Reporters Cammi Granato *** Rich Storm Volume V Issue 13

Homer Visits The Duffers!

See Peoria Plans at the bottom of this page!

Homer Simpson stopped by to have a beer Friday night. Frank, Tom and Tweedy made him feel right at home when they offered to buy him a beer. He wanted Duff beer, but Bob couldn't find any. While we are on the subject of beer, here is an updated list of approved Duffer Beers.

This is a reprint from the Duffer News on January 13,1995

The King has declared that the only beers approved by the Duffers, are beers distributed by our generous sponsor, Grant Importing!!

Thank You Don Granato

The Following are the only approved beers:

STROH’S, STROH’S LIGHT, HEINEKEN, AMSTEL, BUCKLER, MOOSEHEAD, SPATEN, BERGHOFF, GOEBEL, PILSNER URQUELL, CLAUSTHALER, LITTLE KINGS, SCHLITZ CRAZYHORSE, OLD MILWAUKEE, MURPHY’S STOUT, MURPHY'S AMBER and DUFF

The Game

Tweedy and Staats strapped on the pads Friday night as the Prince made his second appearance since his trip to Las Vegas and brother Rick made his first trip since picture night. The Blues scored the first meaningful goal when Hitman had Rick "Twice a year" Miceli set him up. Brinks tied it up when Bob Morgan set him up with a beautiful pass. The only problem was Morgan was on the opposing team. Brinks scored a legitimate goal for a 2-1 lead. Klinger scored in his third straight game to make it 3-1. Beer Nuts got the Blues to within one when he beat Tweedy. Then it happened! The most unbelievable goal ever seen in a Duffer game. Thor Miller headed for the net as he put on a burst of speed that is seldom ever seen in a Duffer game, then Tom Morgan fired a bullet of a pass toward the net and Thor tipped into the top of the net for a 3-3 tie. The Meaningless contest was also thrilling as the Whites edged the Blues 7-6.

Hockey Cards

Plan on April 23rd for sports card night. I'm trying to get the photographer out for bubble gum hockey card night. Everybody wants a shot like Harvey The flower, but we know that is impossible, so start practicing your pro stance or stop. I have posted a couple of classic hockey cards for you to ponder.

Visit last week's Duffer News

http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Gym/2175/3-19-99.html

Dust Off your Balls!

Uncle Bob has promised to deliver 10 bowlers to the next Duffer candle light Bowl. We are looking at a Saturday in May. Get your excuses ready. My Duffer underwear is wearing thin.

Peoria Plans are finalized

There will be a Good Friday game at our home rink. We will leave for Peoria right after the game at 10:30 and return home on Sunday afternoon.

The Columbus Chill will be arriving in Peoria at 3:00 AM Saturday April 3rd, so Donny has donated his team's Ice to the Duffers. We have prime Ice time at 11:00 AM. That will give us just enough time for a team dinner and then it will be time for the battle for first place. Don's team is beat up and very short on forwards. Don has his eye on the red hot Klinger. Hey Bill, plan to leave with the Chill after the game. They have a Game in Columbus on Sunday. We will leave our cars at the rink on Friday and leave for Peoria after the game. E-mail your intentions to Beak. We need a goalie that can drive to Peoria for our game on Saturday. The King has approved solo drive ups.

Cammi adds a week-end hockey clinic for girls in August.
Cammi's Gold Medal Hockey Camps.

Jimmy Buffett
Duffers and their ladies are going on Saturday 7/24
Some Duffers are going on Thursday 7/22!

Doc reports that Gold medal goalie, Sarah Tueting, is home for her spring break and may skate with us next week. Sarah is a neurobiology student at Dartmouth.

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