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Bolingbrook, IL 10/21/05

Attendance 20  E-Report by The Brain

Hat Tricks for the Toms!

I sent out the following e-mail on Saturday, with the hope that I could get a story for this week's Duffer News: 
(The Brain was first to answer and the Flea was not far behind, then Butt Head came in early Monday morning with another literary masterpiece! Thanks Guys!

These are the first 2 guys that I heard about in the parking lot.

I was busy driving my grandchildren to and from Jeff's 8:30 game at Center Ice, so I just barely made it in time to enjoy a parking lot Amstel, thanks to Brinks. Here is what I picked in the lot and at the Bar:

  • Tommy Z had a Hat trick and was accused of Cranking a slap shot from 20 feet. Tom denied and Tweedy the Goalie confirmed that it wasn't a hard shot.
  • Tom Morgan had a Hat for the Reds? Assisted by?
  • Brinks and Hitman gave the Whites a 2-0 meaningful win
  • Frank claims he tripped his son, but Mike denied that and said he lost an edge

  • Frank claims he tripped Thor, but Thor said he stepped on a puck, or was it a duck?
  • Stump had a busy night rotating 3-D with Fruitcake and The Rear Admiral, Tim
A Flea E-Mail:  Final score was 7-6,  I don't know who won or who scored the other 5 goals. I got one. Brian stoned me on three other opportunities. You are right regarding Tom, he scored three. There was a few more, I believe Johnny Z picked up one, maybe two.
A Brain E-Mail:  It was indeed 7-6 and 2-0 in favor of the whites.  Morgan did get 3, but the 3rd one was a shot from the point that hit both his skates and bounced in.  Therefore, I believe that it is not a hat trick, as it is only 2 and 2 thirds goals.
Go To Page 2 for Morgan's account;

Bill By the Way and Doc in a file photo from week 2.


Page 2

I was getting ready to write a semi-true story using the bar stories and e-mails, when Bob "Butt Head" Morgan came through with the following "adults only" account. 

Johnny Z., Perry and By the way Bill on the goals (not sure). Perry with a couple of nice helpers. Rich Storm was left alone in front and scored easily.  Tweedy had an assist on a clearing pass that wound up behind Gordon Cockjohn*. Tommy controlled the ice as usual, setting up Thor beautifully 10 to 12 times. Thor took advantage of these numerous opportunities by shooting wide, turning the wrong way, passing the puck to the Red defensemen, whiffing and yelling profanities. After the first period we decided to leave him open, knowing the puck would soon be transitioning the other way.** Unfortunately, the Reds also left Hit Man and Brinks open, and they made us pay. Final Score: 2-0 for the White team.  Bobka was 'slew-footed' (I love that term) by Bill, hit in the head with both the puck and an overhand chop (Klinger). He gutted it out and helped his team win.

File photo of author Tom "Butt Head" Morgan (Right) at a San Jose golf course in 1998

Stump was #2 star of the game, stopping 4 or 5 odd man rushes to preserve the one goal meaningless margin. How I don't know. That's just what he does. Mini-Wheezer was open and cocked for the game-tying goal on several occasions, but his center couldn't get him the puck. The Brain, aka. Gordon Cockjohn, was the MVP for stopping many  point blank shots and directing his out-of-position defensemen.  For his efforts, The Brain received the MVP trophy, a lovely ceramic figurine of 2 small oriental children eating a dog***.

Editors Notes:
*I don't know what that is, so I Googled "Gordon Cockjohn" and got a number of porn links.
**He forgot to mention Thor's best move of the night, when he stepped on the puck that Frank passed to him.
***Eating Dogs are much safer than fowl in the Orient!

Coming Soon

Toronto Road Trip Duffer and Photo Story CD

Thursday March 2nd, 2006- Sunday March 5th. 

Deposit of $100 guarantees you a limited ticket to the Leafs game. 

I am working on a Duffer Photo Story CD Volume I,  that features 300 Duffer photos that are set to motion with your all time favorite songs from the Duffer Audio CDs.  The CD will play with a Windows Media Player.  Why only 300 photos you may ask, when I have thousands?  The Windows Media Player has a 300 photo limit.  I have pictures from 1978 through 2005.  Starting with the 1978 Florida trip, 1980 Lake Placid, Las Vegas, Green Bay, Hayward, Denver and ending with the 2005 opener.  It plays for 29.5 minutes with songs like Hockey, Hockey, Hockey.  I want to Drive the Zamboni, I Like Beer, and many more.  Price is $9.99 Plus Convenience fees, Shipping and Handling All Proceeds will go to a Charity in Romeoville. See sample Photos.

One of the 300 Duffer photos in Beak's New Photo Story CD.  Includes Duffer Music.

20 Years Ago 

Tom Morgan unveiled his first literary masterpiece when we first went to Dubuque 

In 1985, the Dubuque Trips began, Wheezer gets a nick name after his first shift. Tom Morgan gives his account of the Alien and the 3 legged dog, using a typewriter!  (Click on the letter to see the full size)

Morgan-Debuque2.jpg (685872 bytes)

Someday, ask Boris how he found an East Dubuque cop and declared that he was an Illinois Citizen and wanted shelter from the  30 temperature.  I'd write the story, but Boris and I are still married and can't afford to get set "free".

stump.jpg (112092 bytes) thor6.jpg (152993 bytes)
Scan30.jpg (256167 bytes) Lake Placid.jpg (170396 bytes)
teamreno.jpg (72257 bytes) Scan236.jpg (307332 bytes)
100_0469.JPG (374910 bytes) 8-30-05 027r.jpg (67678 bytes)

The Duffer Photo Story CD is ready for market as soon as the cover is printed.  I guarantee if you watch this CD, you will run over to Mike and give him your $100 deposit for the first Duffer Trip to a foreign land. (We don't count East Dubuque) 

I made the final editing last night during that 14 inning game that even put my 92 year old Mother to sleep. 
I moved Freddy and his kids out of the "I Love Beer" song session.  I moved Stump, Eddie and the Brain into the "The Goalie is Drunk song section" and a few other tweaks.  The CD has:
  1. 300 vintage Duffer photos that fade in and out and appear to give motion.
  2. 5 hit Songs: "The Goalie is Drunk", "I love Beer", "I wish I was in Peoria", "Hockey Night Tonight",  "I want to drive the Zamboni", Hockey, Hockey, Hockey", Here Come the Hawks" and theme songs from "Rocky" and "Slap Shot".
  3. Pictures from Duffer Trips to Florida 1978, Lake Placid 1980, Detroit, Dubuque, Columbus, San Jose 1998 and 2001, Peoria, Las Vegas, Denver, Hayward and Green Bay! 
  4. Pictures of Duffers in action on the ice, in the parking lot and in several bars.
  5. The $9.99 price is for delivery to the Bar. I will mail them out in a plain brown wrapper to our fans across the nation for and additional $3.99 convenience fee. You can Make checks payable to me or my daughter.
  6. The CD will play on Windows Media Player.
  7. The CD is rated PG. There are several almost frontal nudity shots and one out of focus unidentified Duffer moon shot in front of the big fish in Hayward.
The $10 will go to help children in Romeoville who are stuck with a dead beat dad.
It comes with 2 warnings,
This is the only Rich Storm creation on the CD.
(I'm negotiating a contract for rights to make an "All Rich Storm Photo Story CD.")
I could have that contract wrapped up this Friday on 6 Beer Bucket Night!



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